A Modest Proposal: Rearrange the CalendarPosted September 2, 2010 | About InkHead.com
A sudden thought came to me yesterday as I was putting together our buying guide to promotional calendars for the InkHead Knowledge Base: the way we reckon the year makes no sense. I’ve already mentioned here how odd it is that kids now have to spend the entire month of August in school, but it runs much deeper than that. Consider that it’s now September, but it’s still summer until the 20th. Or that we sing the songs “Winter Wonderland” and “Jingle Bells” — songs which actually have nothing to do with Christmas — until December 25th, only three days into winter, and then stop. It’s clear that something is very wrong with our notion of the seasons.
Granted, the seasons as we know them are based around the Earth’s trip around the sun, with the solstices falling on the days when the Earth is at apogee and perigee. Our months are figured by the phases of the moon (hence the word “month”). There are other factors at work as well: cultivation and harvesting cycles, holy days established by the various Churches in power over the centuries, the ancient Romans tweaking their very sensible 10-month year by voting Julius Caesar and Augustus Caesar to godhood and then creating July and August for them.
But the fact is that most of us are not farmers, Popes, or ancient Romans, so the calendar should reflect the year as we experience it. I therefore propose the following arrangement of the seasons:
Spring will now begin on St. Patrick’s Day and end on Memorial Day. This way we make sure we are well into spring when Easter comes around and that our children stay in school for all of May and get out for all of June.
Summer will begin on Memorial Day and end on Labor Day. That’s how the motion-picture industry reckons summer, and who are we to argue with Hollywood?
Fall begins on Labor Day and ends on Thanksgiving. We start fall by thanking ourselves for working and end it by stuffing ourselves with the fruits (and potatoes and turkey and pies) of our labors.
Winter begins on Thanksgiving and ends on St. Patrick’s Day. Let’s face it, we start celebrating Christmas the day after Thanksgiving anyway, so we’re just being honest with ourselves. As for St. Patrick’s Day, many of us are going to feel like we died and came back the next morning, so we might as well just start a new season.
This weekend is Labor Day, and we’d like to remind you that we’re offering free UPS Ground shipping on all orders of $500 or more placed before the end of the day Monday. We would also like to wish you and yours a happy and safe Labor Day weekend AND A VERY HAPPY FALL!